My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
