what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
