I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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