I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
