When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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