rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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