all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
