getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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