just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
