saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
should my penis look like a turkey
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
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