I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
