She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
