you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
