do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
