This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
