There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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