It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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