let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
