her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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