after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
