Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
