My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My vagina is officially offended.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
