what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't think brook has ever known best
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
