I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize