He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
