I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
