My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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