But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
