You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
