I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
