I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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