It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
