just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
