In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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