That's intense
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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