home. puking in laundry basket.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
