all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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