I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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