I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
