i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
where am i from again
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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