I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
