All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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