I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
