I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's blow job season.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Enjoy the penises
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
