By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
