weddingsv make me drug and hornr
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
