There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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