The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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