I just threw up on my dentist
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize