im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
