just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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