i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
