all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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