I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We don't watch enough power rangers
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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