Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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