Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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