There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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