Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize