I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
