What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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