i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
