Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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