My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
