Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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