hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
